Teto's Blog Rant
by cuddlySloth
Summary: A side tale from 'Project: VOCALOID'  Basically all in Teto's POV, this is her blog.  Most random rant ever.  Warning: HILARITY.  Contains pairings TetoxTed, RinxLen/RinxMikuo, LukaxGakupo, MeikoxKaito, etc.  /Created out of pure boredom/
1. Introduction

**A/N:** I was really, REALLY bored. I never considered doing this before… but this was too cute to resist~. ;D Also, since Teto (or any other supporting characters) will not have their OWN POVS in the main plot, here's some hilarity from Teto and what SHE has to say.

Basically, it's her journal from the "Project: VOCALOID" events... or something.

Contains some pairings; TetoxTed, RinxLen, LukaxGakupo, MeikoxKaito... etc.

I don't think I'll be updating 'Project: VOCALOID' for a while… T-T But I've decided to give a little side dish to the real plot~. This is basically Teto's blog site, where she writes in her entries…

I MIGHT consider making these a live series…?

;D

Enjoy~!

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_Teto's Blog Rant_

(Side mini from: **Project: VOCALOID**)

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><p><strong>Login: <strong>Teto Kasane

**Password: **sexysexyted

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Welcome, **Teto Kasane!**

Your account has been **reactivated!**

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><p><em><strong>2:33 AM<strong>_

Yo.

… Anyone out there?

…

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeello?

OH!

You were hiding behind the chair, weren't you? Afraid of little 'ol me, huh?

Well, no worries. Just sit your pretty little ass back down and face the screen like a man (or macho chick). I don't bite, unless you're like that Akita whore. That's when I go 'bitch-gone-mad.' Of course, I have no beef with you, so let's be friends.

So, my name's Kasane. Teto Kasane.

But you will refer to me as God.

… That was not a request, that was an order.

Anyway, I describe myself as a perfect image of feminine sexiness, for someone my age anyway. Do you not agree?

And no, you will NOT define Luka-pants as someone sexier. Because if you do, I will kidnap your mother and shove you off this page. You will state this;

'_I, (Your Name Inserted Here) solemnly swear Teto Kasane(-sama)/God is the sexiest creature alive in Japan. If not Japan, then the entire world. Other women like Luka or Meiko are not entitled to be called sexy._

_This contract is valid. That means it cannot be destroyed or ripped into pieces by an enraged Meiko/Luka-pants.'_

After this is all said, you're welcome to this page.

But I should tell you, this took me over a week to send in. Luka-face has been wondering about the sudden increase of spam in her inbox. Don't tell her, but I've been secretly borrowing her laptop at 2AM, and lately, I've been downloading epic yaoi images on her desktop thus forwarding it to my friends~. Mobile or internet connection, the yaoi must be spread.

Why, you ask?

BECAUSE IT IS UNDENIABLY SEXY.

Spam overload is a small price to pay in order to spread the love.

But anyway, Luka would kill me if she found out I've been using this blog site again. She _hates_ it when I write stuff about my epic life, her included. She's recently blown over the top when I wrote _one_ sentence about the student-teacher relationship with our chemistry professor at school. That was when she put her laptop on shutdown.

Seriously.

_One_ goddamn sentence.

Does that hurt anyone?

NO.

Meiko has an account on here too, and she LOVES looking at my entries. Yes, I'm talking about you, Mei-chan. I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE. KAITO IS A MAAAAAAAANWHOOOOOOOOOOOORE.

So why do I insult your 'best friend'?

Because he wouldn't buy me an ice cream today during lunch.

Asshole.

Now I'm mad at you both.

Anyway, now Luka won't let me get on.

But of course, here I am, up at 3AM writing as much as I can while I munch on carrot sticks for my own pleasure.

… I have no life.

Anyway, there's this new girl at school. Apparently, she's the younger twin of that heartthrob in my grade. 'Len Kagamine'? Does that ring a bell? Well if you went to my school, it would. But lots of girls have the hots for him.

I admit I find him pretty cute… and he's really nice too. But he's kinda shota.

Besides, my long-time-forever crush is a helluva lot sexier. And you know I am talking Ted Kasane, people. He will eventually ask me out, we will stay as high school sweethearts until college, we'll get married, we'll buy a house and have kids… yeah. That's basically how I picture my future.

Haha…

Anyway, the new girl is called Rin.

And she's really cute.

I am not talking like a lesbian, she is super loli-cute. I mean REALLY CUTE. Like an angel, almost. Guys are hung up over here already, hell, even that nerdy Piko is looking up whenever she walks in! I mean she's SO CUTE THAT I WANNA TAKE HER HOME AND BAKE COOKIES ON TOP OF HER SHE'S STEAMING CU-

Okay, okay… note to self: I AM STRAIGHT.

But seriously, like her brother, she's really adorable… if only I could be cute like that… maybe Ted-kun would notice me more…

…

Rin's really quiet though, almost to the point of being silent. But she's a total sweetheart, she's so nice to everyone.

She's also _reeeeeeeaally_ attached to Kagamine-kun. She practically glued to his side in almost every class. Everyone's been talking about that. But they say it's a side affect from being apart from her big brother for long. I've heard about her story on the news… beating up those thugs.

… Reporters are such liars.

That's all I'm gonna say.

If only Rinnie-boo were more like me…

Anyway.

I AM SO ANGRY NOW!

Today, after school, Akita (my all-time rival since the second grade) and her posse ran up and started calling me random names. But the worse one was when Akita screamed 'Bitch! Bitch!' at me.

Okay, I may be a bitch. But I am the good, awesome kind of bitch. Like the superhero kind of bitch.

So I was like 'Yeah? Well I guess that makes you a whore!'

Then we got into a catfight.

RIGHT IN FRONT OF TED AND EVERYONE…

Five hours later, I'm grounded… and I can't get onto the computer. Or Xbox. Or Wii… I can't even use my cellphone!

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….

… Ted-kun was totally watching me, though.

…

Haha, mom and dad would kill me if they found out I was up at 2AM using the laptop.

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I'm going to bed now.

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><p><em>(Four hours later…)<em>

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**You are now on the favorites list of **112 **members**.

**You are now on the watcher list of **411 **members.**

Meiko, Nami Kagamine, and **333** other members like this.

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**Comment ~ **Favorite

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**200**** new comments have been added!**

**3**** new comment(s) from your friends have been added!**

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**Meiko:** ... You sad, pathetic person. XD

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**Luka Megurine: **I am going to kill you for this.

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**Kyoko Kasane: **We are going to have a long talk about other peoples' privacy, and your use of language, young lady.

I am very disappointed in you.

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><p><strong><span>1<span> new message(s) received!**

From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject**: HA. Loser. XD

FML, right?

Just so you know, you totally had it coming.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject: **re: Ha. Loser. XD

... Go back to your boyfriend.

I mean, 'best friend.'

:P

From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject: **re: Ha. Loser. XD

We are not going over this again.

From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject: **re: Ha. Loser. XD

;D Just screw him already.

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><p>AN: That's the end of that...? XD

Should I continue later on?


	2. Back and Badder Than Ever

**A/N:** Teto is back. And she's got more hilarious tales to tell. There's many more mishaps to come, people. Beware. Just so you know, I actually am planning to continue "Project: VOCALOID" and the new chapter should be up in a couple of days. BTW, if you want to check out my MMD trailer for PV, it's on my profile. Just follow the link.

It's great to be back.

**~ Warning - **This page contains **swearing,** **crude humor, **and **Teto.**

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_Teto's Blog Rant_

Back and Badder Than Ever

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><p><strong>Login: <strong>Teto Kasane

**Password: **stupidLUKA

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Welcome, **Teto Kasane!**

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><p><strong>8:20 PM<strong>

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Hey, guys! It's been a while, right? Freaking long like, I dunno… two weeks? It felt like an eternity for me. So, yeah. I know you guys might be an teensy, weensy bit angry at me. But before you take out your sharp knives and life-hazardous chainsaws at me, _please_… hear me out!

My absolute darling cousin Luka-chan~ (in other words, that BITCH) tattled on me and my sweetest, dearest mother _grounded _me yet again. This time, from doing anything, including going within six feet of anything electronically useful.

Damn.

If there's anyone you want to blame, it's that stupid Luka.

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Yeah, that's right! Ha! In your face, Luka-chan! You know my saying; you can take the Teto out of the internet, but you can never take the internet out of Teto! Computer addict here! I'm back and I've risen from the dust, loyal fans!

VICTORY!

XDXDXD XDXD XD XD XD

… Ha.

XD.

If you managed to read every single 'ha', then congrats, you have just earned my love. However, if you've spent more than five minutes reading the entire thing… then, you've just moved down a rank.

Just kidding.

Anyway, it feels damn good to be back. Today is such a great day! I won an epic verbal battle against my mommy, I saw Akita trip down a flight of stairs (I swear it wasn't me), and all my yaoi friends from Guam and I have decided to come together and launch worldwide yaoi spam for everyone in Asia!

Ah. Life is great.

But you know the best part of today was?

Okay, okay, okay! So… I have to tell you guys this amazing, super-fun, happy, wonderful thing today~! Eeek! Guess what?

Ted's ass_… touched _my notebook!

KYAAAAH~!

I mean, so in third hour, right? I was just leaning back and listening to one of Yuki Kaai's latest hits (hottest child singer right now!) and yawning away. Until suddenly!

Ted walks by.

And just as he squeezes between the desks of mine and nerdy Piko's, his hot and perfectly plaid jean-covered baby bottom _brushes_ my favorite Hello-Kitty notebook. After he left, I practically screamed before snatching it up and breathing it in (and Piko next to me was just staring _'wtf' _at me and I was like, RAAAR TED'S ASS SCENT IS MIIINE).

Yeah, I've been inhaling Ted-seasoned notebook this entire time, even now.

Aaaaaaaaah~…. smells like margarine.

Okay, but so now~ I'm finally ungrounded! Now, I can give you the latest gossip and tales about my amazing teenage life of drama and stupidity.

So here is another tale to share.

It was Wednesday (which was yesterday). The girls' locker-room was quiet and everyone was changing. Rin-tan, Luka, and I walked in (though, I made a dramatic entrance by announcing 'I'M HOOOOME'!) before decided to change.

Remember Rin? The cutest loli in the world who I would go lesbian for it weren't for Ted?

Yeeeeah.

So, anyway, here's how it happened; The un-awesome, uncool, bitchy Akita decided it would be funny to trip Teto on her way to the toilet. So, she did just that and starting laughing like the ugly phone-addict bitch she is. (Luka was like, 'oh my' and Rin was like, 'duh?')

Teto was not happy.

Teto was not happy at _all_.

Luckily, Teto had something in her pocket which every single girl in the entire world _feared_.

… A rubber chicken.

However, it was modified to look like a man-eating vampire-spider chicken with black wings (oh yeah). Using Rin's naïve exterior, I ordered her to go up to her and at throw it at her face (which she did without complain, fabulously I might add).

Too bad she had to do it when Akita was walking down stairs at the time.

And then, _it_ happened.

With Rin's mighty accurate strength, the vampire-spider chicken flung across the hall… and landed _-SPLAT- _on Akita's face. Naturally, she screamed bloody murder not knowing what the hell just happened and tumbled down the stairs in front of all the students, including Ted-kun and his posse.

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…. She didn't die, of course.

But still.

Luckily, no one likes Akita (including Ted-kun) so no one had the motivation to tell on us. Plus, her lackeys were in the bathroom at the time, so yeah. Luka and Meiko (yes, I'm pointing you out, Mei-chan) didn't fail to give me a long, expectant lecture of 'responsibility' or 'using innocent people like Rin' or even crap like, 'someone could've gotten hurt'.

What am I, like, six-years-old?

C'mon.

Kagamine-kun (Rin's brother) suffered a near heart-attack at seeing something so deadly and vicious wrangle with Rin. Apparently, in his view, he thought the chicken happened to be a rat that bit Rin's hand before she escaped. I was like, it's a rubber chicken for crying out loud! Afterwards, he practically glared at me as he dragged Rin to class.

One shout-out to Meiko~;

CONFESS YOUR LOVE ALREADY DAMMIT! EVERYONE'S GETTING TIRED OF YOUR DENIALS SO SUCK IT UP AND MAKE BABIES WITH HIM ALREADY.

Yup.

The Teto/Akita-bitch war continues! So stay tuned!

Crap, it's time for me to leave… but one last thing!

**Nami Kagamine, **I want to thank you for being a faithful fan of mine, reading and commenting on my blog updates. I really appreciate the loyalty. Oh, and by the way~ thanks for the new collection of Kagamine-kun's naked baby photos~ his fans will love the new addition! I'll be sure to give you the fair profit~ ;)

Loyal viewers, are you interested to own the originated form of one of the world's most _adorable_ shotas? Baby-blue eyes, ladylike features but with a boy's body? Hell yeah! Come by the Seija academy school and ask for me, Kasane Teto-chan!

Unless you live too far away, then just e-mail me at sexytedflower15rocketmail for more details. ;D.

Thank you.

Teto-God (that's me) has signed off!

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><p><em>(Six hours later)<em>

**Comment ~ **Favorite

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**432 new comments have been added!**

**5 new comment(s) from your friends have been added!**

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**Meiko: **I would appreciate if you would stop invading on my love life, thank you very much. :/

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**Nami Kagamine: **Yaay~! Thank you, Teto-chan! But I have to request if you can raise it to 5300 yen/an album instead? Baby Len-kun's cuteness is a rare, extravagant cost indeed oh no he's here! O_O EEEEEE-adkjadl;sjfadkfjal;djl;jdf

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**Nami Kagamine: **Um, this is Len here, Kasane-san. I'm using mom's account right now. But I have to ask if you can _please_ discontinue selling my (naked) baby pictures to the girls at school? Besides, I really don't want them to see the one with the embarrassing fallen diaper train… (Also, _please_ stop calling me a shota -_-…)

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**Luka Megurine: **Why did I have to be stuck with the most embarrassing, obscene, and obnoxious cousin on the planet?

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**Kyoko Kasane: **Really, Teto. Your father and I raised you better than this. We're going to have a _long_ talk after dinner.

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**Teto Kasane: **XD. Oh, well. It was totally worth it.

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><p><strong>1<strong>** new message(s) received!**

From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject**: Stupid Otaku

Can you stop sending me all these weird pictures of vampire boys making out? It's really getting annoying.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: Meiko

**Subject**: re: Stupid Otaku

What if I sent you this glittery wallpaper showing a hot, steamy yaoi couple? It'll look great on your desktop.

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject: **re: Stupid Otaku

No.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: Meiko

**Subject**: re: Stupid Otaku

One of them has blue hair~ ;)

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject: **re: Stupid Otaku

… Does the other one at least look a _little_ bit like me?

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: Meiko

**Subject**: re: Stupid Otaku

XD

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject: **re: Stupid Otaku

Shut up. And don't you tell _anyone_ about this.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: Meiko

**Subject**: re: Stupid Otaku

XD


	3. When Life Gives You Lemons

**A/N**:… I'm back. Hi~! Teto wants to voice out her opinions again~ and she'll be happy to hear feedback. Give her some love, will you? **OH! I also put up a forum for **_**Project: VOCALOID**_. It should be on the forums. So help me out please? Give some discussion on the topic? PLEASE?

**~ Warning - **This page contains **swearing,** **crude humor, **and **Teto.**

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_Teto's Blog Rant_

When Life Gives You Lemons

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><p><strong>Login: <strong>Teto Kasane

**Password: **KasaneRevolution

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Welcome, **Teto Kasane!**

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><p><strong>9:30 PM<strong>

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So, ever heard of the saying 'when life gives you lemons…'? There's different responses. Mine's this: squeeze the juice in Akita's eyes.

(＾ω＾≡＾ω＾)

What?

Don't stare at me like I'm crazy (which I'm not). Then again, you can't actually see me through the monitor, ha ha! By the way, I totally know you'd all do the same thing. You can't tell me you'd take lemons and make lemonade.

Seriously, if that's the case, you're obviously a very boring person who has no life. You'd either throw them at me or Akita.

Choose.

Anyway. So today Rin-chan was being a fool. It's been only been, like, one week, and get this, she's pretty much like a robot. As cute as she is, even a blind person can see (ha, pun! Pun!) how apathetic she is. I mean, she's never smiled, gotten upset or angry. Like yesterday, during gym, some chick called her legs 'too bony to show and suggested getting rid of all her skirts'. Her friends (which are totally fake I tell you) started snickering and guess what Rin said. (Huh. Come to think of it, there's a lot of bitches at school.)

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Well, she didn't even say anything. She just blinked and walked away… ten minutes later, she's wearing her brother's shorts. Ten minutes later, a tardy Kagamine-kun sulks into class wearing a skirt (because it was the only thing he could wear and the spare pants were being washed). Turns out Rin casually snuck into the boy's locker room while the boys were out, switching her skirt for his shorts.

**XD**

Oh god that made my day.

Anyway. Yeah.

The Kagamine relationship is sooo cute! Oh my god, seeing those two together always makes me wish I had, like, a sibling who doesn't tattle on me like Luka-trout. They're always sooo concerned for each other. It's not even funny.

Like today for example. During free period, Rin was chasing after her dropped orange. Too bad the floors were waxed on that day. Well. Before I could tell her to slow down, she tripped, (OUCH) slid across the hall and skinned her knees. And she promptly burst into tears where everyone saw her.

Weirdly enough, the windows completely shattered. Hm… not to mention she has quite a pair of lungs.

Well. Kagamine-kun came _zooming_, and I mean _zooming_, from the third floor. (Apparently he had a 'feeling' Rin was in danger.) He basically freaked out when he saw her crying her eyes out. And he instantly cradled her and spoke soft words into her ear. The hiccupping Rin, being the damn cutie she is, shamefully buried her face in his shirt.

And guess. What.

The best part is when he used his shirt to dry her tears. I was really touched when he even starting wiping her nose with it.

Sibling love, anyone?

I was like, dawww ship now I want a twin.

After he helped her the nurse, I asked why he reacted like that. And his reply was this:

"W-well, _someone_ had to stop those tears. It can only be me."

Did I mention how embarrassed he looked when he said that?

… **:D** Dohoho **:D :D **Hopeful thoughts on blond babies anyone?

And yes, I'm a sick person.

I'm a very, very perverted person who likes all kinds of things. Like seriously, my mind is constantly in the gutter.

The rain gutter.

**XD.**

That was terrible, I know. Forget I even said that.

But I like love. And Choclate.

Chocolate love.

…

Lord almighty, strike me down.

But when I saw Rin cry, it reminded me of a crying puppy. She cries like one, I swear. You know… when their eyes get really big and watery, and whimpers start escaping, softly at first, before flat-out wailing. and wait why am I ranting about this?

I seriously dunno why, but today is the first time anyone's (including me) seen her… emotions.

Rin-chan is heartlessly teased at least twice a day without even realizing it. It's crazy. Sometimes it looks she doesn't even understand what we're trying to get at. CoughkaitocoughCOUGHCOUGH!

Looks like I'm coming down with a cold.

.

**See? **I'm a very sick person like I told you. **;)**

A relationship between a biased hothead and dense moron sounds romantic.

Not.

My poor friend, Meiko (who's known me since I was in diapers) is deeply in love with her best friend. He is really an idiot. I mean, so. STUPID. He doesn't even realize her feelings for him after, what, ten years? Stupid idiot. And he still thinks Santa exists.

DAMN YOU MEIKO'S BEST FRIEND WHO HAS WEIRD HAIR AND METABOLISM PROBLEMS I SWEAR YOU'RE AN ALIEN.

Seriously. If you know anyone else who eats two gallons of ice cream everyday and _still isn't fat by the end of the year_… come talk to me. 'Cause if I did that, I bet my jeans wouldn't fit me by the end of the **week**.

/\ﾞ（ﾟ､ ｡ ７ l、ﾞ ~ヽ じしf_, )ノ

Ah, the many admirers of Kaito and Len. It's funny how Len has a few more girls who love him. I mean, wow. Even Miku Hatsune has a crush on him. And she's the most beautiful girl in our school.

Oh yeah. Did I mention Kagamine-kun's baby pictures are a hit? **:D** I told you! I told you he's worth your money! **:D**

Anyway, I'm tired and glad no one in my family isn't peeved at me today. It's time for us to depart, my many watchers. It's great I got to talk to you all… and remember, Teto loves you.

So… on a last note, tell me what you'd do with life's lemons! XD. And don't forget to follow me on twitter.

Teto-God forever.

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><p><em>(Thirty minutes later)<em>

**Comment ~ **Favor

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**202 new comments have been added!**

**5 new comment(s) from your friends have been added!**

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**Nami Kagamine: **When life gives you lemons, chuck 'em back and demand chocolate.

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**Nami Kagamine:** Hello, Teto! This is Rin. I must say that computers are amazing! Did you know about the strange device controlling the screen? It is called a mouse. But why, I wonder… it hardly looks like a mouse. Oh, you have my congratulations on your popular blog. And… life gives lemons? When? How? I thought you had to buy them.

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**Meiko:** When life gives you lemons, throw them at Teto.

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**Kaito**: What, no ice cream? D: Oh. I didn't know Meiko had another best friend. She's in love with him? …Haha. WOW. He sounds really stupid. But I'll send him my condolences anyway. Wish him luck I guess. He'll need it. LOL. Oh, and get well soon Kasane.

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**Meiko: **-_- Lemons are life's bitter fruit. Might as well eat them.

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><p>From: <strong>Teto Kasane<strong>

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** Over a decade

Looks like this makes the 11th year for you, Meiko, my buddy.

Well. You could always hook up with me. ;)

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** leave me alone.

HAHAOKAY I seriously hope that was a joke. And even if it's not funny I'd still be laughing. Out of relief. Because no offense, but... _NEVER_.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** re: leave me alone.

-_- Yesh, no wonder you don't have a boyfriend. Number one, you have no sense of humor. Number two, Hatsune was right when she said your period was irregular, and three, you have the WEIRDEST TASTE.

I mean, seriously. Why _Kaito_? Of all the people in the world... I'd understand if it were Ted-kun or Kagamine-kun or even that weirdo professor gaku-ohcrapluka i mean... yeah, even professor gakuohcrap... luka. XD. Luka says hi.

...Never mind, I'd kill you if you went for Ted-kun.

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: leave me alone.

...Hatsune told you about my monthly issues? Just really? Okay, why'd you two even talk about me?

Anyway, wow. I could say a lot of reasons why _you_ don't have have a boyfriend either. Shall I go through #1-#129?

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** re: leave me alone.

Number one, because I'm too sexy.

Two, because I'm too sexy.

Three, because I'm too sexy.

Four, because I'm too sexy... need I go on? **:)**

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: leave me alone.

Even if you were a dude, there's no way I'd go out with you. **:P And no you seriously need a shrink if you think you're sexy.**

I mean...

I love you. **^_^**

**not.**

But seriously. Have you looked in a mirror lately?

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** re: leave me alone.

Have _you_?

Bitchpants.

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: leave me alone.

Mental person is mental. **:(** You're just mad about your boobs... oh wait, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** re: leave me alone.

HEY! AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE MELONS THAT AREN'T LIFE HAZARDOUS! Seriously, I feel like everytime you swing around, I have to duck...

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: leave me alone.

OKAY THAT'S IT YOU LITTLE

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(_Half an hour later...)_

From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** OMG WHY

GET AWAY FROM MY WINDOW YOU LOVELESS FREAK YOU! AND PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY!

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**1**** new message(s) received!**

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From: **Kaito**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject: **O_O

...Wait. Santa doesn't exist?

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Luka Megurine**

**Subject: **lalala

XD This is why we love Kaito.

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><p><strong>AN:** Yes, WE DO LOVE KAITO. LOL.


	4. Stupidest Things I've Ever Accomplished

**A/N: **Yup. Bored again. This chapter takes place sometime before chapter 14. AND YAAAAAAAAAAY! I'm now a sophomore~! School started and... *faints* yup, I'm definitely spent.

**Warning - **This page contains **excessive swearing,** **crude humor, minor sensuality **and **pissed! Teto.**

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><p>.<p>

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_Teto's Blog Rant_

Stupidest Things I've Accomplished

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><p><strong>Login: <strong>Teto Kasane

**Password: **breadandted

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Welcome, **Teto Kasane!**

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><p><strong>9:30 PM<strong>

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(I'm sick. This time for real... Gahhh. I never should've danced nude running around in the rain. Even though I was happy to finally finish _Tokyo Mew.)_

So. Guys.

Straight hair ticks me off.

Yeah. I'm hella proud of my rich curls no one else can pull off. I'm hella sexy with them. Just imagine my flowing dark curls bouncing as I run up to you, batting my eyes at you. Yeah. I'm puckering my plump red lips as I dab a finger against the corner of my mouth, which curls into a slight smile. I ask you how you are. But you're too distracted by the way my mouth moves. Oh, how you long to ravish them. My curls frame that freakishly adorable, hot face as I whisper

Okay, enough fantasizing, people.

Like, I know I'm hot but really!

XD

DON'T YOU SAY YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT LEN MORE THAN ME.

Because we all know I'm so much hotter, sexier, cuter, adorable me.

But seriously.

Wanna know what really ticks me off?

YOU.

Just kidding.

C'mon! Don't get all huffy at me. As in don't puff your cheeks out and swivel your chair facing the other way! I could never get angry and get the overwhelming urge to stab you with breadsticks (loaves can make good mallets, actually). I love you guys enough to occassionally update this crappy web that probably wastes your time. Gah. Or I love you guys to pieces to the point of stripping half-nude in front of my morning class dancing to weird techno music.

Course I'd do it anyway.

XD

But today.

Teto-God had a bad day.

...

SOBSOBSOB.

The worst has happened.

My nightmare came true.

My hair was _flat-ironed._

It all started on a lovely fall day. The birds were migrating, the trees were browning, the wind was frickin' cold to the point where everyone wanted to cuddle up against their lovers and squeal about the weather. Yeah. All in all, school was happening, and I was supremely bored out of my bored during home economics. I mean. Learning about different knives and what their uses are best for.

WHO. CARES.

All knives are sharp and pointy and cut things why the adjfa;j;asjkdl do we gotta test on them?

Oh yeah. Because it's cooking.

Hmph.

But when it comes to sharp things and Tei Sukone, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

Funny how she knows a lot about knives, right?

...

I can see you're not laughing.

Anyway, (wow i really get off subject, don't I?) I was also covering my hair with an awesome paper bag. WHY YOU ASK? Because that morning Luka wanted to try a new style. On me. Yeah. So when I politely refused ("FUCK NO."), she kept insisting I try it and said I'd look fabulous. Of course, I sweetly declined ("NEVER! THE DAY MY HAIR GETS STRAIGHT IS THE DAY I DIE!").

Then Meiko came along.

Yeah, apparently she thought the idea was great too. So they both kept trying to convince me before school started. I was like, "God, you two. Fashion statement or not, I don't want my awesome curls flattened like a board! Leave me alone!" Then they tied me to a chair and strapped my hands, legs, etc. They even gagged me! I was screaming the whole time too ('course I had to avoid burning myself with stupid Luka's straightener). Afterwards, they even exfoliated my face. Ugh. And they forced me to school wearing my hair down.

Best yet, that day was Ted-kun's birthday.

...I can feel you smiling.

Stop smiling.

So that new transfer guy, Mikuo what's-his-face comes up to me asking why I have a bag on my head. I just glared at him and walked off. Yeah. I don't care if he was being polite and stuff, bad hair puts me in a bad mood! Later in gym, stupid Kagamine-kun and his stupid cutie twin go up to me and comment on my bag. Meiko-sama~ in other words, **that bitch **yanks away my awesome paper disguise.

Rinny-boo tilts her head and softly asks, "...Is something different about you today, Teto?"

asdflkjal;dsjkfs stupid adorable rin.

Kagamine-kun blinks. "Uhhhh... Nice hair."

Yeah. Need I say more? Just imagine what Ted-kun'd say. While Meiko was laughing her ass off, I snatched back my bag and covered my head. It wasn't funny! Luckily, Akita was sick with a summer cold. (weird considering it's nearly halloween, ne?) So afterwards, I was crammed in a mass of students in the hall. It was one of those days where everything went wrong.

Too bad it was also one of those times you run into people with stuff flying everywhere.

Which happened to be Ted-kun himself.

Yup.

SHIIIIIIIP.

My paper bag flew off, revealing my -_legasp-_ stiffly straight hair which flew down past my shoulders. Ted-kun just stared down at me. And I just smiled nervously. My face was flaming, I tell you. Despite my poor functioning brain, I managed to sputter out a 'h-happy birthday, Ted-kun' before gawking like a total moron.

I wanted to _die_ on the spot. (Hell, I'd even let Sukone stab me to her yandere pleasure.)

But my world was over when he looked at my hair. Then at me.

At my hair, then at me.

...

"Have we met?"

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

AHWAAAAAA! REMEMBERING IT STILL MAKES ME WANNA SLAM MY FACE AGAINST THE SCREEN! DAMMIT ALL STUPID LUKA STUPID TWINS STUPID MEIKO!

MOST OF ALL STUPID DAMN HAIR!

WAAAHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHAAAAAAAA AA!

Two minutes later, I was with stupid Kaito at lunch, sulking. He just scoffed at me and said, "Keep crying then. Cry, cry, cry. Go cry me a river."

And I was like, "I refuse. I'll cry a swimming pool."

Stupid Kaito goes back to eating his sundae.

He's fun.

:P

Yeah. So far my week's been shitty. I look like shit, I feel like shit, I act like shit.

... how does shit act anyway.

Okay. Let's clear it up. I got a fugly makeover, my long-time crush didn't recognize me, and everyone at school pointed their fingers at me and laughed at my misery in their minds. They think I don't know but I do. I have redhead telekinetic powers.

Here's a life's fact, my computer friends who I don't even know and talk to even though you might be trolling mentally unstable internet addicts...

When I get mad, or overly happy, or depressed (I'm the latter), I do things I normally regret doing later on.

In other words.

I do very stupid things when going crazy.

In fact I have a list right here:

**STUPIDEST FAILS/MISTAKES I'VE EVER MADE IN LIFE**

1.) Poured brown paint in Akita's seat in first grade art.

2.) Accidentally called Akita a "whore" instead of "horror" during our pumpkin scare play

3.) Ate crayons in kindergarten

4.) Kicked Meiko

5.) Fell on my face when first meeting Ted-kun

6.) Called Kagamine-kun a girl by mistake

7.) Muttering out my Ted fantasies on the subway

8.) Eating too fast

9.) Forgetting my lunch (nuuuuuuuu bread!)

10.) Tripping down stairs in front of Ted

11.) Accidentally cuddling Utatane instead of Ted when trying to give a surprise hug

12.) Not looking when pouring wasabi on bread instead of butter

13.) Asking Ted-kun to help open my locker when photos of him spilled out. (MAJOR FAIL)

14.) Using this blog to harass Luka

This list goes on and on... but anyway. My many fails get me into a deep pickle. Like now, for instance. I'm about to blurt a super secret secret which I'm not allowed to tell anyone. ESPECIALLY NOT YOU.

Why?

Because it involves Luka.

And her lover/professor.

...XD

Hours after the Ted incident, I was sulking to the library. I forgot to check out a book I needed for the next class. Just then I heard crashing noises behind the fifth book row. I then noticed Luka wasn't behind the front desk.

I panicked.

So rushing to where the loud crashing came from, I called out for Luka and turned a corner to find something **puh-retty** awkward.

Books were thrown around, scattered in a complete disarray. Panting noises pieced the silence. My darling Luka was laying with her backside against the table, sweating and pink-faced. She looked completely submissive, spent, and exhausted. Professor Gakupo hovered over her, positioned between her dangling legs. He was practically latched onto her! As for Luka, I noticed her arms were wrapped around his neck tightly. It looked like she was pulling him closer so their lips could meet.

Their breaths mingled together. Their faces were flushed, and they were incredibly close. Pink and purple hair entwined, they were gazing at each other with such clear tenderness. The kind you have after some kind of passionate lovemaking.

Then they saw me.

...

...

Heh...

Heh heh heh heh heh heh.

HEHHEHHEHHEHHEHHEHEHHEHHEHHE HEH.

OHOHOHO the looks on their faces! Priceless!

After they stammered out excuses and denials, I *mentally* snorted and left them. Luka later caught up with me and quickly explained it wasn't what it looked like, that some books fell and professor was preventing them from falling on her, using his body as protections. And the reason why she was wrapping her arms around his neck was to keep the heaviest dictionaries from bashing on his head.

Riiiiight. And I'm in love with Utatane. BWAHAHAHA.

...I'm not though. Really. I'd never date that albino coughgaycoughcough nerd.

Needless to say, she begged me not to tell anyone.

(＾ω＾≡＾ω＾)

...Oh no. I swore I'd keep this a secret. I can't even last three days. I'm dead, but I'm so angry and feverish right now, I can't even think straight.

Okay. Think of this as revenge for ruining my hair, cousin in denial.

I miss you guys! I love you. Send me fanmail or something... and cheer me up 'cause I'm sad and lonely. And still single. And for crying out loud, **Cho Saryangai!** WHERE'S ME TED PLUSHIE YOU PROOOOOOOOOOOMISED ME ONE! DX DX DX.

Also, I'm betting Azumi's commiting suicide at the end of _Melt_ season 2.

THEN REI WILL BE MINERARRR!

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><p><em>(Thirty minutes later)<em>

**Comment ~ **Favor

**.**

**50 new comments have been added!**

**8 new comment(s) from your friends have been added!**

**Rin Kagamine: **Earlier, I believed you meant insects crawling in my hair. I'm fortunate Len was here to help me understand. Fascinating philosophy, Teto. I should consider listening to you for advice from now on. :) (I just smiled using those buttons. I think.)

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**Meiko:** Rin, honey. DON'T. By the way, Teto. You're doomed.

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**Nami Kagamine: **Rin-chan made her account! She's decided to read your blog on a daily basis, Teto-chan. She admires you, as you can see.

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**Nami Kagamine: **wha Luka and the professor are in _that_ kind of relationship? (this is Len)

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**Kaito:** Crazy girl. But you can bring up pretty interesting things. But I'm bored, so looking up your blog's the only option.

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**Luka Megurine**: TETOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo

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><p>From: <strong>Teto Kasane<strong>

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject:** Rinny-boo

Holy crap and pants, we're friends and you didn't tell me?

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From: **Rin Kagamine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: Rinny-boo

Yes.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject:** re: Rinny-boo

:D Alright, I'm so pumped for this! You're handling the computer well, I hope? Is anything too difficult for you? You know how to use the mouse, right? You know how to open microsoft? Email? Google? Youtube? Also can I copy your homework from English class?

I swear Ms. Ann's gonna ruin me.

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From: **Rin Kagamine  
><strong>

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: Rinny-boo

Oh. Oh yes. I can handle things well on my own. Are you feeling better?

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject:** re: Rinny-boo

Haha! I'm okay. Could be better.

Anyway, Rin. You remember sex ed. How a man and woman connect together. I've been meaning to ask...

Do you want blond babies?

Or teal babies?

;)

From: **Rin Kagamine  
><strong>

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: Rinny-boo

Teto, do not be silly. My knowledge and current maturity level isn't efficient for nursing children.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject:** Miku then?

Huh. Too bad. But at least Miku'll dub me her godmother. It's obvious how cute she and your brother are hitting it off.

Yay! I'll be an Auntie~! :D :D

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From: **Rin Kagamine  
><strong>

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: Miku then?

Miku will have Len's children... is that what you are implying? But I!

No!

It's like you said, Teto! Sex is very sacred! It is for married ones! Not for this age! No! And Miku and Len are not married! They can't have children! Or sex! No! It is highly unacceptable! I cannot allow this! And Mikuo-kun won't approve either!

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject:** Settling matters

Rin, sweetheart. Acting like this... you're depriving Len's wants. His needs. Don't you see how badly he wants this? Children, I mean. You've seen how great he's with kids. It's sorta obvious. And it's a man's driven objective to deliver the next generation into this world. But he needs a lovely little lady to help him.

You don't want Miku to help him... then who will, Rin-chan?

Don't you want Lenners to be happy? :( Is

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** -_-

At Kaito's house right now.

Oh god...

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** re: -_-

What happened?

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: -_-

While me and Kaito were competing in Wii Sports, Rin told Len straight up she'd be the one to have his babies right now.

As in NOW. And it's happening as I speak. As in she's grasping onto his hands. And wow he looks like he's on fire.

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** re: -_-

lol... yay! We're gonna be aunties!

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: -_-

You wouldn't happen to have anything to do with this... _right?_

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** re: -_-

Why Meiko! I'm surprised at you! I mean after all we've been through together you... is this how you think of me?

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: -_-

Uh, of course. So. Are you involved in this or not?

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From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Meiko**

**Subject:** re: -_-

Maybe a tad bit. XD

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From: **Meiko**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: -_-

Stop teaching Rin to be like you.

...

(_Six minutes later...)_

...

From: **Luka Megurine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** teto

We need to talk.

**.**

**1**** new message(s) received!**

**...**

To: **Luka Megurine**

From: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject: **lalala

XD Telling on me gets you trouble too. Mommy doesn't want weird teacher-student relationships going on. She made that clear when we turned thirteen.

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From: **Luka Megurine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: teto

You will pay for this. Dearly.

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><p><strong>AN:** Well. That was fun. should I make a live story for this? About Teto's fail! hair and Rin wanting babies? *wink*


	5. Forever Alone

**A/N**: Senior year is finally here for me. D: I'm graduating high school soon. UGH. I have a major case of senioritis though… sobsobsob. I'm done with this work. I just wanna sleep and never wake up. Fucking homework. Damn anatomy. Damn essays. Damn scholarships.

Okay, I'm done whining.

Chapter takes place after chapter 16 and roughly around chapters 17-18.

**Warning- **This page contains **crude **humor, **swearing**, **mild suggestive content, **and **yaoi. Also, tons of twincest in on Teto's part. Beware of high toxic, steamy scenes upon entering the crazy imagination of Teto Kasane.**

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><p>.<p>

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_Teto's Blog Rant_

Forever Alone

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D:

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><p><strong>Login:<strong> Teto Kasane

**Password:** etoanoetoetoTOETO

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Welcome, **Teto Kasane!**

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><p><strong>11:11 PM<strong>

**Once upon a time, a girl named Teto was born to the world. Like all normal girls, she was an innocent, beautiful, and pure-hearted individual left unblemished by the world's horrors.**

…**Then she discovered yaoi.**

**XD**

Holy mother of all bread and butter with a sexy guy on top, covered in whip cream with cherries on his nipplessss… XD XD XD

I'M BACK BITCHES!

I own all your asses, dearest readers. Face it, without me, your life has no meaning. Oh, uh uh don't you roll your eyes at me. You might be mad that I've been gone for so long while you anxiously wait at the window, desperately awaiting my return like the wife waiting for her solider-hubby to come home… Haha, you might even swore you'd get over my sorry ass for leaving you so suddenly. I betcha you decided to try moving on with life…

Yet here you are again. ;) Face it, readers. No matter how much you deny me and mah sexiness, you'll always keep coming back for more.

MOAR.

Well. I'll have you know that I've been uber busy myself. So far, I've sold over one hundred copies of my SasuNaru novellas online! They're an instant hit! All the profit went to this spring's yaoi convention. Everyone knows who I am now. I am popular and sexy, unlike your precious, baby-faced Shota-darling Kagamine Len.

Ha!

… I'm starting to feel bad about flaming him. Maybe I should cut back on selling those nude pictures to his crazy fan club.

Especially Tei Sukone.

… But damn.

She pays me a ton of money for close ups while he's playing in PE… or when he's working out.

Or when he's sleeping in miss Ann's English class…

Or when he's flexing his muscles when he thinks no one's looking.

Or when he's forced into cross dressing to please the senior girls in economics.

Hmmm… money or morale?

I'm at an impasse here.

Hot damn, I could be doing sooo much more productive things. Ain't nobody got time to stalk Len! Not when I could be watching over Ted three meters away, behind a pole, secretly taking pictures of him!

Like, _ugh_. Len's fan girls, really?

"Oh my goood! Len-kyun's sooo sexy!"

"Kyaaa! His hair's down!"

"O-Oh my… he's sweating after running so much… OH! H-He's taking off his shirt~! QUICK, KASANE! GET YOUR CAMERA!"

And I'm like, 'HISSSSS. BUY YOUR OWN!'

I have a life, too. Go ask Rinny boo.

Like, seriously. What does Len have that I don't?! I get more phone calls from a certain lady~ than he can ever score in a lifetime!

…D: My mommy, that is.

Ooops, she's calling me again.

Plus. I have over thirty girlfriends on Instagram, and they're gaga over me; they want my sexy self allll to themselves. They keep giving me wild propositions to come 'play' with them if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge. All in exchange for a peek at next month's issue for my newest SasuNaru comic.

:3

Mmmm. Yaoi.

But seriously. I'm tired of waking up every single morning surrounded by women and not knowing what the f**k happened last night. I bet you ladies out there are practically seething with jealousy at the thought of me laying with another woman in bed. Well, look no further! There's plenty of Teto to go around.

I have a crush on everybody, including you.

… For all you single ladies out there, just know there's alllwaaays someone who will LUUUUUB Y.O.U. And that's me, your ever faithful and sexy Kasane Teto. AKA: Teto-Jesus. Teto will never leave or forsake you for another. She will strip in your honor, get down on her knees and make love to you among the stars-

Whoops, sorry. The heat getting to you?

;D

Naw, I'm just playing. I. I have no friends… I'M FOREVER ALONE! SOBSOBSOBSOBSOOOOOB!

In real life, all I do is sit on my ass in my bedroom and watch reruns of Junjo Romantica. I swear to God, MisakixAkihiko smuttiness is going to be the death of me. Not to mention I haven't been able to look at Professor Gakupo in the eye for weeks ever since I saw that last Hiroki/Nowaki scene! O/_/O

h-hot teachers p-pants skin so much skin moaning

AUUUGH MY VIRGIN EARS.

But then my mom burst into my room with a meat hatchet ready, asking me what was wrong because she heard me screaming…!

…then she looked at my television.

…then Luka came in.

…then my Dad.

…and even Meiko.

…

…

…

…..

Then everyone save for my extremely pissed mother turned dragon ran out of my room, screaming like they saw Jesus.

I'll sum it up for you.

"KASANE TETO! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT WATCHING THAT KIND OF DISGUSTING STUFF?! HAVEN'T I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS! THAT'S IT NO MORE ANIME OR WHATEVER FANSERVICE YOU DO YOU HEAR ME! YOU ARE SOOO GROUNDED!"

Waaahh! Oh my god, it took me forever to just get my laptop baaack! Don't you fellow yaoi fan girls hate it when your mom (or other guardian) comes in and berates you on how you must be collaborating with the Devil like you're some kind of cult bent on justifying homosexuality?

I'm like, 'mother please'.

No one understands me but me.

They just don't understand yaoi is a gift from God. We must put it to holy use.

Ugh, it's been too long! Lemme tell you right now! I am absolutely stuffed from eating all that food from the amusement park, AND BOY LET ME TELL YOU THAT WAS A GOOD DAY.

Why, you ask?

Well, I captured hot and steamy footage for twincest. Now, I won't say their names due to respect for their privacy, but I think I've found my OTP for life~! I mean, just watching them throughout the day. The sexual tension between the shota and loli blonde twins was so thick you could cut it with cheese wire!

Heh heh….heheheheheh.

I've spent all night replaying Ri-I MEAN Loli!Twin pole dancing and seducing Shota!Twin at the karaoke restaurant. And there's only three words to describe what I've seen.

Sexiest. Chemistry. Ever.

Heh heh. Sorry, Luka-pants. Your relationship just got booted out of the top rankings.

Anyway, I literally died from nose blood loss that night, and I mean it. I was so turned on by how she practically gave him a lap dance without even moving (is that possible?) her hips. Well, he sure wanted her bad.

Bwahaha. Wanna know something funny?

I'm the instigator of their whole new affair. LAWLZ. I decided the whole Leek!girlxShota!boy chemistry was all 'O_O colorsnotmatch normalish couple ish booring'. Not that I spied on them or anything while pretending I w-wasn't stalking Ted-kun…

…

I needed a distraction, okay!

Anyway, I even tried making a cute comic on them but was like, 'oh my god. They're like, totally normal and stuff. Where's the SUPAISUUUU of hot, sexy forbidden love?'

There was nothing to fill the void in my heart… and then I discovered Ri-I mean loli!girl. And shota!boy. And their complex 'deredere' love, so then realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and I was like, 'LE GASP. THIS THIS IS PERFECTION'. They are so MOE. I nearly died from the moeness, and the bro's major sister complex- ah, ah. Don't tell him though. He's obviously in denial.

He's obviously the seme THE SEME PEOPLE. Since when do shotas become SEME?

Since twincest happened, obviously.

LOOK HOW HE GETS ALL MAD WHEN MIKUO HATSUNE FLIRTS WITH HER!

"W-What's this feeling when I see her looking at other males than myself…" Le shota's frustrated, confused, and teary-eyed expression practically screams.

It's called jealousy, shota ponytail twin.

.OUS.Y

O_O

…. Haaaa. So I was just messing around with my friends on Skype the other day. We formed a worldwide yaoi art club on a cool art site, and I was just telling them about the twincestishhh madness going on with mah friends. You know, what went on when we all headed to that new amusement park. And they were like.

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><p><strong>Friend 1<strong>: *GAAASP* Oh my god. I'm going to sound so weird for saying this, but… that. That sounds hot…

**Friend 2: **O-Oh no. I-I-I think I'm getting major hot vibes from them. They're making me all… excited. I want to write a smutty fic on them now.

**ToetoTETO:** RIGHT? Oh my god, you guys, are like the only people who understand me. I've been trying to explain these feelings of mine to others whenever I see them together but… *sniff* t-they just look at me like I belong in an 19th century asylum!

**Friend 1: **D: WHAT. They be cray-cray.

**Friend 2:** THIS SHALL NOT PASS!

And after I sent them copes of the hot, sexy footage… they were offline for about 4 hours, nose bleeding and whatnot, so we all came to one conclusion.

**Friend 1:** It's time… for a revolution.

**Friend 2: **Let's make smutty fan works of them and SPREAD IT ALL OVER THE INTERNET.

**ToetoTETO:** *sniff* Y-You guys are so awesome. YEAH! LET'S GET STARTED! XD XD XD

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><p>So we spent all the rest of school break making of blonde twincest smutty smut on tumblr. Then we got sidetracked and ended up commissioning for a bunch of our SasuNaru and ZeroKaname fan girls.<p>

Variety is fun.

Of course, then I had to go to school and forgot all about the homework I was supposed to do over the break.

…sob. AUGH! Why am I so damn lazy? WHY do I keep procrastinating?

Aw, who needs school anyway. I'll just convince Rinny-boo to become a porn star, and I'll be her awesome, sexy manager who'll stamp the rejects trying to make a go at her. Maybe you wouldn't think so, but I do value quality in men.

Fuckingakitacalledmeasluttheotherday.

So, anyway. Like. This is pretty much what I think is going to happen once a few certain pairings ACTUALLY GET TOGETHER YOU KNOW. I. Am. The 40 year old Bachelor in my posse, and I'm pretty sure my awkwardness won't let me lose my virginity until I'm like, super drunk and over twenty with a watermelon bust. Otherwise, I'm going to keep having a twelve year old body for the rest of my life.

AUGH.

Anyway, this is how it'll look like.

* * *

><p><em><strong>WELCOME TO TETO'S MIND THEATER.<strong>_

_**PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT THE CONTENT BELOW TAKES PLACE IN THE FUTURE AND WILL INDEFINITELY HAPPEN.**_

_**FUTURE. WHICH MEANS IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET SO STOP ASKING AND LEARN TO READ.**_

_**IT WILL HAPPEN BECAUSE TETO-GOD SAYS SO.**_

_**OBEY TETO-GOD.**_

_Whether you love them or loathe them, hanging out with happy couples is just another part of being single. The good news is: being the "Third Wheel" doesn't have to be terrible. _

_Instead of thinking of your coupled-off friends as a constant reminder of your bitter loneliness, think of all the good things that come with having a pair of friends who are much, much better at sustaining a relationship than you are. _

_Believe it or not, being the odd man or woman out can have its perks. For example..._

* * *

><p><strong>Having two friends is always better than one.<strong>

Luka and Gakupo were sitting in that comfy little booth on the veranda of a fancy ice shoppe, looking deep into each others eyes as a sexy, naked man clad only in an apron served them a large milkshake for two.

"Oh, Luka… how I've always wanted to spend this moment with you. I've been dreaming about this for so long… I-"

Luka gasped, tears coming to her eyes. "Don't say it… I…"

"I love you."

"OH GAKUPO!"

"OH LUKA!"

They passionately lifted their straws and began to sip away, unaware that they were slowly getting closer unti-

"Aw, snap! I forgot my money today!" Teto-God laughed as she nudged Gakupo, making room for herself in the booth with an extra straw, joining in on their shake session. "Hope you freaks don't mind if I help myself. I forgot lunch today!"

Double the mooching. Double the fun.

Plus them paying for you in a tight spot is always a good thing!

* * *

><p><strong>If your couple friends have a kid together, you get to be the cool auntuncle figure!**

"Oi, Rin. Look what Teto sent our son for our son's birthay." A much hotter and older version of Len stalked up to his pretty and petite wife, kissing her shoulder. With a giggle, she glanced over at him and nuzzled her head under his chin.

"What is it?"

Lenners frowned, "Um… it's a mug, but…"

"What does it say?"

_**Happy frist birthdaaaah from ur drnuk auntie teto… and meiko…and bakaito. And Akita-bittcccc****_

"Oh, how very thoughtful, but…" Rin frowned, "O-our baby uses a bottle…"

Mwah hah hah he'll use it someday.

Point is. Who needs blood relations anyway?

* * *

><p><strong>If your couple friends live together, you now have an extra place to crash and burn! And watch their TV.<strong>

Kaito and Meiko were cuddling on the couch, watching the movie with big happy couple smiles. Then Teto-God oh so politely shoved at them and told them to move, piling popcorn and ice cream and soda all over their table.

Laughing obnoxiously at all the comedy-romantic scenes, including the punch lines, she never noticed their angry glares throughout the entire night.

If they didn't want you to come over every Saturday night, they wouldn't've bought such a huge, inviting couch.

* * *

><p><strong>The silver lining? All it takes is one more person for a double date~!<strong>

"…So, why did you bring me along again?" Sexy Ted asked with a bored sigh, picking at his untouched food, "You wanted to watch these two suck face?"

Cue Gakupo and Luka making out like animals in heat.

Teto cringed, suddenly alienated with the idea of attempting to kiss him after pretending to wipe a food stain from his beautiful face. She lost her appetite when Luka decided to insert her tongue in her teacher's mouth.

…yeah. Seeing your cousin make out with your teacher kind of kills something inside you.

This wasn't awkward at all.

* * *

><p><strong>Wait! Who am I kidding, being the third wheel is the WORST. But what's even worse than being the third wheel…?<strong>

**Being the 9****TH**** wheel.**

It was Valentine's day.

Kaito and Meiko were having a playful snow ball fight.

Luka and Gakupo were on a sled ride, cuddling next to one another.

Teto and Ted were snogging in a secluded area near the lake.

Rin and Len were holding hands while shopping.

Miku was holed up in her darkly lit room, stuffing leeks into her mouth and watching re-ruins of Junjou Romanitca, pretending everything was going to be okay. She then ignored life for the rest of the week.

Oh yeah. That's rough.

…Sorry, Miku. I don't think I can even joke about me being in that situation…soooo I used you since I heard you're still single! :D Hope you don't mind!

**OMARI. END.**

* * *

><p>So this one time. I decided it would be fun to become 'The Wind'. This happened after the first practice for my school play called the 'Story of Evil'.<p>

So what is this 'Wind', you might ask? Wellll…

I ran up to Rin, Meiko, and Luka-pants this one time when they were chatting in the hallways. With the vigor and speed of a tiger, I screamed out:

"I AM THE WIIIIND!"

They all screamed, trying to cover their panties. They'd all flashed the boys walking past them, who stopped and gaped with red faces.

"EEEK! TETO! W-WHAT THE HELL! WHY-!"

"-ARE YOU FANNING OUR SKIRTS FROM BELOW WITH P-PROFESSOR'S HOMEWORK?!"

Rin blinked, tilting her at me.

"… Oh, Teto. That tickles… and it's very cold…"

With all the genius in me, I then started flapping directly under her skirt.

LOLI MOE POWER!

"Pink with…rabbits…" Utatane swallowed thickly, his face beet red while he accidentally eyed Rin in all her loli!bunny panty glory. He looked like he was about to faint. Len and Hatsune Miku arrived, their faces pure red. Especially Len's. He quickly yanked her skirt back down, shielding her from me.

"K-Kasane! What is wrong with you?!" Len yelled, startling everyone around us. I looked at him very, very seriously. Like dead in the eye.

"Everything." So then, I cackled, leaping away with my cousin and babysitter chasing after me, screaming like banshees.

"MWAHAHA! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T! NOBODY LIFTS MY SKIRT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"

"TeeetOOOOOOOOOO!"

But then, I tripped and fell on my face, exposing my underwear to Ted-kun in the process. Who just happened to be walking my way.

…. Then I got detention for sexual harassment.

"Young Kasane, with all due respect…" Headmaster stared at me sternly, crossing his arms, "What were you thinking?"

I shrugged languidly, fighting back a smile upon remembering the small… barely visible blush on Ted's face when he saw my pink thong.

"Just doing my job, sir."

LOVELUBLOOOOOVE

* * *

><p><strong>Comment <strong>~ Favorite

.

**58 new comments have been added!**

**10 new comments from your friends have been added!**

**Luka Megurine: **Teto. TETO. WHY DO YOU KEEP WRITING THESE THINGS ESPECIALLY ABOUT ME AND THE PROFESSOR?! And oh my goodness, for crying out loud! Why did you show that footage to other people? They're twins!

…

**Meiko:** Hey! Why did you write all about me and Kaito like that? It's not like it'll ever happen… but it was nice so thanks.

…

**Kaito:** Oh. Meiko's on here too? Wow, I can't believe I never noticed. -reading third wheel section- Aw, c'mon Kasane! Me and Meiko will never be like that! :D The last time she cuddled me when she was scared during a thunderstorm! That was when we were in first grade, and it really sucked! Let me tell you, she cut off my air supply while crying in my ear the entire time. I will never let her touch me in such a manner again. I felt violated. :D Don't worry! You'll find a great guy someday!

…

**Meiko:** VIOLATED? WHAT THE HELL KAITO! DON'T POST THINGS LIKE THAT!

…

**Len Kagamine: **So this entire time… the reason why Rin was acting so weird that day is because of you? The way she kept touching me and stuff… was just a joke to you? You're… such a jerk, Kasane. I can't believe you did this. I don't like her that way! I like Miku!

**Len Kagamine:** And another thing! You can't just write things like this and post it! How dare you depict me and Rin like that! It's nothing like that! I got all worked up for nothing at the amusement park, and you wouldn't believe what I had to go through after what Rin-no, what you made Rin did! Don't ever come near us again!

…

**Rin Kagamine: **Oh? Len just got off the laptop, and he looks rather upset. U-Um, Teto? He won't look me in the eye… is he mad at me? Oh! A third wheel on a car is very important, Teto! Do you not feel important…? I think you are very important though, so don't feel sad! Without you, I wouldn't know what to do! You teach me so many valuable things everyday! For instance, I am very happy that you taught me that sexual intercourse between men is very, very um. What was that word you used again? Oh, yes. 'Mind-blowing'.

**Rin: **What is a pornstar, Teto?

…

**Kaito: ** Whoa. I just read the comments below mine. What's with Len? He's even snappier than usual today. Ew. You're teaching Rin about yaoi? You're so weird, Kasane. Whatever though, I guess it's fine if you're into that sort of stuff. Just don't put me in your works, okay?

…

**Luka Megurine: **Oh, Teto… I hope you don't think I don't accept you for who you are: I like you. Still, I'm very angry at your lack of thoughtlessness sometimes. You can come off as very insensitive sometimes… apologize in person. To Kagamine-kun.

* * *

><p>From: <strong>Teto Kasane<strong>

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subject:** look im really sorry

You've been avoiding me all day, Kagamine-kun? I already deleted that post ever since everyone's been talking crap about Rin! About that weird cyborg fight… and that Rin choked Luka! Ha! Stupid, isn't?

,

,

,

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: look im really sorry'

Yeah, it's fine. I'm not mad anymore. Just don't write stuff up anymore, okay? I'm not the only one who's looking at your blog and stuff, y'know? You're funny, but I really have to draw the line here. Rin is looking up to you, you know.

And stop making deals with Tei Sukone! She's creepy stalk on a whole new level!

.

.

.

From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subject:** re: look im really sorry

Haha! Yes, okay, and again, I'm really sorry. I'll watch my idiot self from now on.

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: look im really sorry'

You're not.

.

.

.

From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subject:** re: look im really sorry

Huh?

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** you're a pretty cool person

You're not an idiot. Sometimes you really look down on yourself, and it's pretty dumb. You're you, and the people who matter like you for you, nothing else.

Plus, you're one of the only people who's friends with Rin, so it's not like I can pretend you don't exist. Uh. Not that I'm trying to, you know? But when you're making me or Luka or Meiko heck, even Kaito, uncomfortable, we're going to say something about it.

.

.

.

From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subject:** no wonder girls love you

Yeah, and that's why I chose you guys as my friends! At least you listen to what I have to say!

But you're right. I feel major bad about what I did.

Um. Sorry.

Your sister really is an interesting person though.

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** Haha!

Interesting? Rin?

You have no idea.

Don't worry about it now! :D It's all water under the bridge. Just promise you won't talk about others' privacy info unless we okay it!

By the way, don't be so shy around Ted. I bet he'll be happy if you guys actually talked more! You two would be great friends! You're way too self-conscious around him, which is pretty pointless because trust me: he's a really nice guy once you get him to talk.

Yes. Ted talks. Surprising right? JK.

.

.

.

From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subject:** yeah no wonder girls LOVE you

I promise!

Haha… yeah. I-I'll try, I guess. It's just that when you like someone, you lose all nerve to even speak. Sometimes, you can't even think straight, you know? It keeps me up at night.

You know what I mean?

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject:** re: yeah no wonder girls LOVE you

Well funny you mention it. :( I can relate.

Ahem, so anyway, how long do you think it'll take for Kaito to notice Meiko's feelings?

.

.

.

From: **Teto Kasane**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subject:** are you kidding me

HAHAHAHAHA THERE IS NO WHEN SURELY YOU JEST.

This is Kaito we're talking about.

Since when does he ever remember important stuff, let alone _notice_ you know what this is Meiko's problem. Time to find her a new man.

I've abandoned the ship!

Haha…. _their_ ship if you catch my drift…

Hey, you wanna see a picture of this wallpaper of incredibly hot vampire twins making out? It's… steamy… steamier than your twincesty video with Rin.

No offense.

But yaoi owns my ass.

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Teto Kasane**

**Subject: **re: are you kidding me

Um okay then I'll just be going now…

Wait what video.

.

.

.

...

(TIME LEAP)

...

From: **Rin Kagamine**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subjec**t: hello

.

.

.

Um… Len?

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject: **yo

Rin? What's wrong?

.

.

.

From: **Rin Kagamine**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subjec**t: re: yo

I *heart* U.

*heart* *heart*

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject: **yo

HUH? WHAT?

.

.

.

From: **Rin Kagamine**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subjec**t: re: yo

Teto says that's what I should send you when I get the chance on a computer, but what does it mean?

.

.

.

**15 Minutes Later…**

.

.

.

From: **Rin Kagamine**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subjec**t: re: yo

Len? Are you there?

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject: **yo

Uh, it means, um…

It means, "I love bananas".

.

.

.

From: **Rin Kagamine**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subjec**t: re: yo

Oh? Well, I do like bananas, but I think oranges are better… I am sorry, Len. I understand how much you love bananas.

I *heart* U

I do like them though! I really do!

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject: re: **yo

Haha. It's okay. C'mon, the library's closing, so we should get off now and head home.

And, uh. Don't tell anyone this but.

I *heart* U mor.

From: **Rin Kagamine**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subjec**t: J

What does that mean?

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject: re: ****J**

It means I love oranges! Nothing special, okay!

.

.

.

From: **Rin Kagamine**

To: **Len Kagamine**

**Subjec**t: re: J

Oh, yes.

Oh, Len? Your face is awfully red. I can see you from here. Are you okay?

.

.

.

From: **Len Kagamine**

To: **Rin Kagamine**

**Subject: re: ****J**

It's nothing! Just don't tell anyone about this! Especially Kasane! Now, let's hurry up and leave!

…

(An hour later)

…

**From: **Teto Kasane

**To: **Kaito

**Subject: **hurpdurphurp

obliviouskaitotoameikosfeelingssayswhat

**1 new message(s) received!**

**From: **Kaito

**To: **Teto Kasane

**Subject: **uhhhh

What?

.

.

.

.

**From: **Teto Kasane

**To: **Meiko

**Subject: **rofl

You and Kaito.

I cannot even.

Why. Meiko. Why do you suffer so much for his sake?

Teto-God is watching you.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **There. Your Teto-God has returned just for you. Christ's second coming. Say your prayers and wishes up to her.

OM NOM NOM NOM BOREDOM.


End file.
